dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
