Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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