so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think people are normalizing furries
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
