Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I understand Curling. That high.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
