Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish i was in the wii world.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
