oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
