ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
