Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize