Non-Jews are for practice
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
