Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He better not be in your backpack
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
