everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Damn victory sex feels great
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
