he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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