Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
