You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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