Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
