I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just got carded by a ten year old.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
