Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
