its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
