: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize