I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
