omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
