i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
