How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
