I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
