i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize