If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
