we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
