Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
