Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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