I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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