Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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