you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize