Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
