Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
