Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
