Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
