Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
