Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
