Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
