sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
