He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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