A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
