and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
