well you can't waste a boner
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
