I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
True strength comes from lack of pants
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
