Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
