conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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