The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
