Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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