I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
