Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Randomize