we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
