Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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