i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
