also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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