Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
