it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
