highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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