bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
