My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize