I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
