My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
