So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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