There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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