One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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