just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize