Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
