i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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