if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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