Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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