you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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