A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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