census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish you could order shots online.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
