dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
