I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
