I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My vagina is officially offended.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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