When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
