i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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