he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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