Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
