where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
