i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I love having hate sex.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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