dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
