i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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