You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
