Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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