Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
