do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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