Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
