guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
