remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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