Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my shit smells like andre
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
