went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize