My balls are so social today.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
