I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
