She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
