like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
