...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
