If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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