I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
