The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
