Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
