i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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