can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
