It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
