Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
