thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize